norabombay

The beginning of the end of the world can be dated to 4:33 CST, when the Elves first discovered autotune.

I don't know where the rest of the story goes, but some variant on that statement was stuck in my head my entire ride home. I need to stop making up narratives from disconnected pop songs, it is as if I let the DJ play god.

But you have Kanye, all in love with his autotune. Enthralled with it. In his grief and despair giving over to the love of the Autotune. "How could you be so Dr. Evil/Your bringing out a side of me that I don't know" He's flat out entranced and enthralled, the autotune the pied piper of his doom.

Luckily, Jay-Z comes storming in a on white horse chauffeured Maybach, NY cap askew. Kills that autotune DEAD, and in some sort of mythic resemblance that is probably not the story of Tam Lin, rescues Kanye from the clutches of the Autotune empire.

Than the redeemed Kanye, Jay and Rhianna lead a guerrilla war against the autotune armed space elves.

I'm not quite sure where either Bad Romance or Bedrock, the other songs of my commute fit in, but if you can't find a place for Lady Gaga's bad romance in a story about space elves and the power of autotune, than clearly you aren't trying.

My commute=Time for the Power of Crack

Parlor Game: Name me three songs. I'll make up a story using their videos. Any three videos.


See:
Heartless
D.O.A. (Death of an Autotune)
Run this Town

I went to see Avatar in 3D this afternoon, and I'm glad I did.

From a visual and technical perspective: DAMN. That movie was flat out amazing. Beautiful. And CGI technology has NEVER ever looked better. If for no other reason, see it in the theater, just to boggle in the full CGI immersion. Between the lush tropical organics of Pandora, and the grey's and blacks of the military base, it's just amazing.


From a story perspective: So, um, dances with smurf's much?

From a story perspective II: I was shocked by how much of the movie was derivative of other works of fiction. Or of bits of fanfiction I've read.

( Do I still need to cut for spoilers? )

In short: How long till somebody writes "Turns Navi, as Directed"?

This article Enemies of the Estate by Charles Spencer was published in Vanity Fair this month.

The diminished but still fabulously wealthy and powerful British aristocracy has survived agricultural decline, estate taxes, and world war, often bolstered by strategic marriage. Will its ancient code and customs be finished off for good by divorce? With an insider’s look at the recent travails of several noble families, including his own, the author fears for the future of stately homes—like Althorp, seat of the Spencers since 1508.

So: Charles Spencer inherited Althorp from his father in 1992. But oh noes! his stepmother SOLD things. Things he would have like to inherit!

And it's all the fault of the Americans! Before the Americans started to marry into the airistocracy in the 19th century, nobody EVER got divorced. But suddenly they marry American women, and it all goes away.

And then! People stop obeying primogeniture. So the estates get broken up! And those nasty SOICALISTS made them pay ESTATE Taxes. Why the 431 members of the House of Lords no longer own 75% of the land in the country.

Cry MOAR!

This is all made funnier by the fact that Charles Spencer's sister Diana quite famously married & divorced Prince Charles. Oh, and he's on his second marriage. AND you get this glorious bit from Wikipedia The Spencer family's wealth derives from their profitable sheep farming in the Tudor era.

So: A man who is still living off money that some ancestor of his made sheep farming nearly 600 years ago, is complaining because all his friends don't get to rule the world anymore. And it's the fault of the women and the socialists and the Americans and divorce court.


I think I know where my sympathies lie. And if you'll excuse me, I need to go write a 5,000 word article for Vanity Fair on something that is really special, important, and deserving of sympathy. I mean of course, my fungal toenail. The HORRORS of having to go with no nailpolish for three whole MONTHS so that it can grow out.....

I'm watching White Collar on a combination of my TIVO and my "good" tv.

And it's weird. Most of the rest of the eps I've watched in Hulu or downloaded form on the new HD desktop monitor. And in the direct comparison, I can see the difference.

This TV was top of the line 10 years ago, and flgirl spent a hella lot of money on it- a 32 inch stereo tube TV with a flat front was expensive at the time. Now? I could replace it, and replace it really well, for less than $500.

I'm not going to be doing that in the immediate future, as I blew my TV money on my trip to San Francisco.

But I think I need to go back to my previous policy of watching shows on either the tv OR the computer. White Collar is a computer show.

In short: I gots first world problem.

Related: White Collar is exactly the kidn of show that would benefit from a gender swap of all the major characters. There is really nothing thus far that would need to change.

Well, with the core of the show. Sure, you have to throw in a few sorta homophobic jokes (if done badly) or funny (if done well) jokes regarding the unlikely hood of a female FBI/male event planner marriage.

Actually the only major issue is that they would have to completely rewrite the ep with the asshole, date raping, cocaine snorting boiler room stock market selling dudes. Cause they would not respond well to a woman joining the club.

So: White Collar: entertaining. TV: eventually for replacing.

At this point everyone knows that the one true pairing of my soul is Nora Bombay/Crack Fiction.

Needless to say, this- a giant index of Stargate Atlantis McKay/Sheppard AU Fanfics, is possibly the greatest thing of all time. Several hundred stories, organized alphabetically by John's job.

But not just alphabetically, by original description. So the fic's where he's a Bush Pilot aren't mixed up with the ones where he is a regular Pilot, or my personal favorite, an EX Pilot. It is a thing of beauty.

Do I want this?
Musician/Agent
Musician/Blood Bank Worker
Musician/Millionaire
Musician/Multi-millionaire?>

Or this:

Bodyguard/Billionaire
Bodyguard/Billionaire
Bodyguard/Librarian
Bodyguard/Scientist?

I chose the promising sounding "Soldier/Magician". The story promised me 94,000 words of the purest crack, cheese potentially Lackian in scope. You know, joy.

Sadly, No.

The story <http://www.wraithbait.com/viewseries.php?seriesid=3>Return of the Dragons by Mithreon</a> suffers from one terrible flaw. It's a lot more rapey than I want to be reading in my fanfic. There's a capture. Ritual blood and carving and magic to turn somebody into a mindless slave. And well, some ritual raping going on. Classic hurt/comfort trope, yes. But not what I want

So it is with reluctance that I will pass. Because I love my crack fanfic. And for somebody who finds "To the rape room, Cheer Bear!" to still be one of the greatest catch phrases in all of fanfic? I am remarkably squicked by the words 'bloody' and 'cock' appearing in the same paragraph.

Anybody got any glorious crack to share, without the word "bloody" in use?

Why is it that the only time I feel the urge to write fiction, it's after midnight, and I really should be in bed?

Why?

But to add to my collection of things I will never finish: The one about the space elves.

More specifically, the "Motherfucking Space Elves". It's an official part of the name, just like the Snakes on the Plane.

And the Space ELves? Live in magical Dubai. 85% Expat (read human) near slave laborors doing their bidding. A huge gender imbalance - see slave labor. And a tinderbox of bad governance and repression waiting to happen. My heroines aren't revolutionaries. They just want to get the hell out of magic!Dubai.


Of course, magic Dubai needs a new name- and actually doesn't have the same middle eastern cultural references. Instead, it's got space elves. And a revolution.

And I don't want to go to bed. But I'm gonna.

Now just to think of a name for Space Elf Dubai that isn't either a: Dubai, or b: celtic in origin. May be time to hit up the baby name voyager.

There is a group running a "Camelot Loves Haiti Thing-a-Thon".

I am certain that they mean well, and that it is some sort of charitable benefit for Haiti.

However.

I cannot get over the name. Because while the motto of Merlin is "Historical Accuracy can Fuck itself", I can't imagine the people of Camelot know that Haiti exists.

That there was a whole continent across the sea full of people happily going about their business? A people who's life was more alien to the medieval English than the life of the medieval English is to us. Yeah, Camelot was really not at all interested in that. There was no way they could be.

This is ignoring the fact that the entire nation of Haiti in it's current form is a legacy of the unique circumstances of the 15th-19th centuries and the trans Atlantic trade in rum, slaves, and more. Haiti cannot exist in the world of Marlin because EVERYTHING about it is dependent on the actions of a future not yet enacted.

And so every time I see the phrase "Camelot Loves Haiti Thing-A-Thon", I get jarred again by the disconnect.

Anyone in the greater Chicagoland area want to do something this weekend?

I've got $50, a car, and a bus pass. Between those three things adventure is ready to be had.

I need to spend some time with people who are not a: my coworkers, or b: named Tucker.

Tonight is TV night. Oh, TV night.

I'm watching Leverage. And there are fake accents a plenty. All sorts of "Irish" with all sorts of "Boston". I keep getting distracted by Nate referring to himself as "Jimmy".

And he sounds exactly the way that Stephen Rea did in The Crying Game. Saying his name was "Jimmy" with the same um, level of conviction.

And now I'm picking my brain for "The Crying Job". In which Leverage takes on the Crying Game. I suspect it would be awesome. So very awesome.

Meanwhile, I went to Urban Belly for takeout. There are three legendary restaurants, all of which are signs of some sort of wave of gentrification that I hope never comes.

Urban Belly was alas a disappointment. My shrimp and Udon noodles had a flavor I didn't like. They weren't bad. They just weren't what I like. Probably will not return.

If forced to rank, it would be Kuma's Corner, Hot Doug's and than Urban Belly.

Some one in vidding, who I will link to at a later date, made an awesome video.

It was John Sheppard, to the tune of Hole's "Celebrity Skin". In short: It was John Sheppard to the sounds of 90's Courtney Love.

It takes but a small logical jump from there to this:

John Sheppard, as played by Courtney Love. 90s, moderately out of it edition.




Give her some sunglasses and a gun. It'd be perfect. Emotional reticence? Sure. Dysfunctional relationships with friends, family, authority? Sure. Unruly hair? 100%. Likely to name something a Puddlejumper? yes. Likely to kill a hundred Genii with a wormhole and not feel bad about it? 100%. Smarter than you would think? Sure. Likely to spend a lot of time fucking with the psyche of the Wraith? Oh yeah.

There is a high probability that I should go to bed right now. I think it for the best. Because I find the temptation to slap some photoshoppery in here to be very compelling.

PS: Not related- does anyone know if King Charles Cavalier Spaniels are the type of little dogs who like to be carried about? Or spend time nesting? My only small dog reference is Tucker, who would be happy to spend his days tucked into your jacket, or wrapped in a blanket, or under a blanket next to you on the couch.